Black Friday Bites Back: Undead Suffer Seasonal Starvation

From Feast to Famine: Zombies’ Black Friday Nightmare

2024 Black Friday Deals are here, and as usual, shoppers are preparing for the annual holiday madness. Whether it’s stampeding through Walmart for a 92-inch TV priced at a mere $499.99 or shelling out $200 on limited-edition Hallmark ornaments, Black Friday remains a cornerstone of modern consumer culture. But while humans are busy debating whether they really need a third air fryer, another group is finding itself left out in the cold this year, a group that feels the sting of the recession like never before. No, it’s not overworked retail employees or exhausted delivery drivers, it’s… zombies.

That’s right, the undead community has risen up (pun intended) to express their concerns about what Black Friday is doing to their food supply. And it’s not just the lack of brains on the menu, it’s the principle of the thing. Speaking with Eric, a zombie with surprisingly strong opinions on the economy, revealed a shocking truth: inflation is hitting the undead as hard as the living. Gnawing on what appeared to be a disturbingly well-aged turkey leg,

Eric slurred, “The lack of flesh in stores due to rising costs is keeping our food supply away! Instead of buying little Kimmy a pink bike, these people are shopping online and denying ghouls like me a chance to wine and dine.” He wasn’t done. “The government needs to get their act together and bring prices down!” he barked, waving his turkey leg with authority. When I asked about his economic expertise, a hungry gleam flashed in his eyes, one that made me quickly decide to leave before I became part of his next meal plan.

The holidays aren’t just a time for shopping sprees and zombie feasts, they’re also a stark reminder of the struggles faced by underpaid and overworked employees. And it raises an important ethical question: should zombies really be feeding on workers who are already being devoured by corporate greed?

Take Jimmy Grayson, for example, a beleaguered employee at the local S-Mart. “I get Thursday off,” he explained, “but I have to make it up on Saturday. So, it’s not really a day off.” As he adjusted his overalls, a small victory in the battle for employee rights—Jimmy went on: “I don’t get a bonus. My bosses do. The Sales Department does. Especially Mickey Bocci, and he rats on everyone!” I tried steering the conversation back to the undead, asking how this related to the zombie crisis. Jimmy didn’t miss a beat. “And those damn zombies! Not only do they stink up the place, but I got this crappy job, and now they want to ruin it by eating me. Do they even care about workers’ rights?” Before he returned to stocking shelves, Jimmy left me with a lingering thought: Are zombies, in their quest for sustenance, complicit in exploiting the very people society already takes for granted?

It’s a fair point. Maybe it’s time for the undead to reconsider their dining habits and show a little solidarity with their living counterparts. After all, even the overworked deserve a break, preferably one where they’re not the main course.

Zombies are feeling the pinch this Black Friday, with online shopping and inflation leaving them with fewer opportunities to feast on unsuspecting shoppers. Even the undead are calling for change, as their dwindling food supply raises ethical questions about dining on overworked and underpaid employees.