Hello, one and all! 2018 is upon us and you may be wondering where the hell Bamfing Bob has been. Well, the short answer is busy. You know I haven’t been reviewing quite as often or doing things for Comic Crusaders as often. This is due to my increased presence on the Undercover Capes Podcast Network as co-host of No Prize Podcast, as well as a couple odd appearances here and there on other shows. But much more prevalent has been my decision to pursue writing as a career.
That’s right, nerds. I’m going legit.
Well, trying to a least.
I have wanted to write this story about a guy who loses everything and must learn to find happiness despite having no money, no power, and no intelligence. A sort of Flowers for Algernon in reverse. I have a notebook from high school full of ideas- some that worked and definitely some that didn’t. After I started writing that book over the summer, I developed a series of characters I wanted to explore: a man who will do anything to fly, a sculpture brought to life to love her creator, and a veteran who must work past a past of prejudice and tragedy to save the country he lost everything for, among others. However, there was one character that stood out to me so strongly that I put my original idea on the backburner so I could make her my debut hero.
Victoria is a painfully below average woman in her twenties. She can never seem to measure up to her goals, whether they be to get into the college she want, nail the interview for the job she needs, or to overcome an unrequited love. So when Victoria is granted a strange ability to be able to overcome any obstacle, she must learn to balance her life in ways she never expected. Being a millennial is hard enough, even if you aren’t a superhero, and when you have the power of a god, you must be prepared for anything.
Below is an excerpt of my first chapter, but keep in mind that this is a work in progress. I am still on my first draft so the rewrites may change everything, but I wanted to give everyone a taste of what I’ve devoted several months to. I’m over halfway done and hope to finish soon so I can explore the other heroes and villains and stories I have to tell. Also, special thanks to Dollar Bill for making the first drawing of the demon featured in the story. Enjoy!
“WHERE IS HE?”, Victoria screams into the dark expanse of forgotten machines and stacks of broken wooden pallets. She’d gotten the coordinates to an abandoned warehouse in Indiana only seconds ago, but she came as fast as she could. This was always the case, but her desperation had pushed Victoria to the peak of what she thought was possible. “HELLO? I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU–”
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.” The smooth, calm voice of the stranger echoed within the chamber although he showed no signs of straining to be heard. “Swear to God, I mean. Turns out, he doesn’t appreciate that sort of thing. I should know.”
Victoria looked around frantically for the man, an outline, a glint of his eye, any way to know where to throw the first punch.
“SHOW YOURSELF, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Victoria looked around and saw nothing but dark shadows. Even when she tried to focus her vision, all she could see was emptiness. She saw several speakers positioned above the warehouse, but the voice hadn’t sounded uniform or electronic enough to be using an intercom system; more like he was speaking to her from all directions in arms reach.
“Oh, name-calling now? Tut tut, I always thought you were better than that.”
She considered running a sweep of the building, but this was more than likely a trap, which Victoria had run into, unprepared and emotionally compromised.
“I mean, to be fair, my mother was a real c*nt so your insult is at the very least accurate, but nevertheless, for shame… What would your mother think?” The voice was mocking her now, using the pain to allow for stupid mistakes, to drop her guard.
“SHE’D THINK–”
“Please quit screaming,” says the voice, tempered as a school teacher. “I’m not deaf, although I might be if you continue to do so.”
“I said, she’d think you were a real A-hole for endangering her kid and that I should kick your ass to wherever the Hell you came from!”
“Again,” says the voice from everywhere and nowhere, “if you only knew. But your mother would never say that. She loves her children, but she doesn’t have the stones to speak with such foul language. Let alone, face me. You are overconfident, Victoria, and foolish. You will lose.”
“I WILL NOT!” Victoria stomps the ground, cracking the dusty concrete beneath her feet and shaking the foundation of the metal building. Artificial thunder rolls through the cavernous space as unstable stacks of forgotten material topple in a collection of crashes.
“And a temper too! You are perfect! I knew I chose well…”
“Coward! Come out!” Victoria knew the longer this was drawn out, the worse things would be for the one she was determined to save. He didn’t deserve this, not after Victoria got him into this mess in the first place.
“Fine,” says the voice. “You will need to learn your place soon enough.”
A blast of cold air filled the large room with a WHOOSH! The metal parts crackled as frost crept across each surface and it felt as though every piece of debris compressed upon itself for warmth. Victoria hadn’t felt truly cold in months, yet this was a freeze that slowed her blood to a standstill. For the first time since the star, she couldn’t move. She was paralyzed, not only from her stiffened limbs but the fear of what otherworldly force might have caused it.
Piercing blue eyes appeared from the emptiness. They were blinding at first but soon dimmed to illuminate his face, giving it a blue tint. The curl of the beard on his chin was sharp and fixed, and he looked like a genie from Middle Eastern folklore, not the Disney version. More sinister, more twisted, but still retaining that luminescent blue. His head was otherwise bald and as he stepped forward in his glistening, black three-piece suit, Victoria realised the beard was not hardened by hair gel.
It was a horn.
It was the smallest of the beast’s three horns, the other two adorning his skull in a twisted tangle of thorns and veins, ending in points that jutted out over his forehead.
Victoria wanted to push out of the spell she was under and knock him into the wall with a punch that could shatter his smug face in, but all her collective strength couldn’t even form a fist. She felt powerless.
“See?,” said the genie. “All of a sudden you aren’t so tough, are you?”
“W-w-w-whuuuu…” Victoria tried to get the words out but the cold and the terror encompassing her body wouldn’t let the words out.
“I can free you to speak to me like a civilized person if you promise to show me the respect I deserve. Or, I can leave you this way and you will never see the boy again. Will you be a good little girl if I release you?”
Even with the cold surrounding her, filling her with ice and breaking her bones, she was filled with a fire that made her want to destroy the beast. Victoria needed to play along to break his hold on her, but she would never let him win. “Y-y-y…”
“I’ll take that as a yes,” says the monster in the necktie.
Victoria gasps a warm breath that frees her body from its prison. She collapses into the cracked pieces of cement at her feet and the stale summer air trapped in the building fills her pores, thawing her skin. She blinks away crystalized tears, looking up at the thing.
“What did you do with him?”
“Right to the point, then. Well, he’s safe, for now. I have him in a pocket dimension I created for a rainy day and he will stay there until you agree to meet my terms.” The blue demon knelt down to meet Victoria closer to her level, frosty breath escaping as he exhaled. “So, let’s have a little chat.”
His clawed fingers snap and the warehouse is sucked into the sound like the final bit of water rushing down a drain. Victoria’s surroundings twisted in a burst of heat and were replaced by something she’d never expected.
Author Profile
- Robert joined Comic Crusaders in 2016 as contributor, but has been an active online voice through social media for almost ten years. His hobbies include reading and collecting comics, attending theme parks, making music, and driving his wife insane. Deadpool and Nightcrawler are his two favorite superheroes, and while his preference is Marvel, he dabbles in every major and indie label in the comics community. He graduated from UTPB in 2013 with a BS in Mechanical Engineering and is currently seeking employment in that field. A southern boy at heart, he currently resides in the Midwest.
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