PIMPING THE LONG BOX #8
Greetings my comic crusaders family. I hope you’re well. I hope you’re safe. I am doing well. To everyone that reads this, thank you. To everyone that listens to my podcast Awesomesauce Radio on Tuesday nights, thank you. Thank you for the friendship, advice, love and support. Please remember you don’t need sight to have a vision. It’s not what happens to you but what you do about it. Let’s all do our part to kick Corona’s ass back to where it came from. Wash your fucking hands, wear your fucking masks and if you don’t have to go anywhere, please stay
home. If you can, please go get your vaccine shots today. Nothing bad is going to happen. Remember to pay for your porn, don’t get high on your own supply and always get paid and laid. Keep those pimp hands strong because that is the American way.
Now let’s see what’s happening in the world of comics and popular culture, shall we?
Graphic Audio Adapts the Archie Wedding
As a comic book collector going blind from a rare eye condition, I love things like graphic audio and other audio and motion comics. Graphic audio is the best in the business they have adapted stories from both Marvel and DC such as the death of Captain America, X -Men Days of Future Past 52 and Countdown from DC as well as countless others. Now, Graphic Audio has acquired the rights to adapt stories from Riverdale;s Gang of Teenagers and Young Adults Archie. I am very excited about this. And to answer a question I saw on another comic site: Yes, Graphic Audio is still a comic book. It’s just a comic book in your mind and this opens up the market to blind fans of the MCU, Riverdale and other comic book TV and movies, I so want to audition to play Mr. Weatherbe. The first story being adapted for this audio series is the 2009-2010 Archie s#600-606 The Wedding. These are cheap back issue comics just sitting in boxes at your local comic stores and conventions, so go digging as they could see a spike from this news. The Wedding is a fun ‘what if’ story and the first half is “what if Archie had married Veronica?”. s#600-602 and #s603-605 shows a future where Archie marries Betty with #606 shows it was a maybe as the woods of Riverdale and the road not taken is a real thing in those crazy Riverdale woods. The producer of the Batman Movies, Michael Uslan does the writing and vintage Archie artist Dan Goldburgh does the art. There is also a slipcase limited collection collecting the entire story and is worth the hunt as out of print trades are just back issues with thicker spines. I learned that from Larry of Larry’s Comics of Lole Mass. Thanks for that lesson in comic book retailing, Larry . It’s like Banky Edwards said in Chasing Amy, one of the greatest movies of all time from the greatest directors of all time, Kevin’s Smith: Archie is all about pussy . For example, in Archie s#631-634,Archie and Meloney of The Pussy Cats have a kid named Star and it shows ‘what if’ situations in which Archie marries Cheryl Blossom, Sabrina and even Josey herself. In Betty and me #55witch is now a $50-200 comic, Betty is doing splits on the cover and in one panel, it shows Betty giving Archie a blow job. Go and hunt out for the ‘Put the Lipstick Where it Belongs’ type it into google and see for yourselves . I also dig for “Investment Reasons Veronica” s#112&155 where Veronica is wearing a wedding dress on the cover. Season six of Riverdale on the CW did a time jump and some of the wedding story from s#600-606 have been used in the show . We are getting season seven too… If you want to see some great Archie comics characters having amazing sex, then go to google and type in Porn Hub Beaverdale. Beaverdale was made by Wood Rocket Productions. Finally, Archie doesn’t have to decide on either Betty or Veronica as there is a great threesome. So go enjoy some sweet #comicbookporn, ok?
Dear Red Bull
Can you please make the 40oz cans already? I love your drink. Red Bull gives you wings. It fuels your body, it powers your brain. It helps you dance the night away. Red Bull is a hell of a drug but the cans are way too small. You 12oz vans just don’t cut it. Can we please have the 40oz cans of your amazing drink Mr. Red Bull?
The five best cartoons for adults are Invincible on Amazon Prime, Solar Opposites on Hulu, the Undergrads was on MTV back in the early 2000’s now on You Tube or DVD, Fommie the Squirrel I Will Press,. And the Boondocks originally on Cartoon Network and now on HBO Maz. These are cartoons not made for kids. NMFK. I like the sound of that.
It is a Golden time for Captain America
The Falcon/Winter Soldier is just a great show. To everyone that bitched and moaned, pissed and groaned about episode five, to everyone that said the show was too slow, what show were you watching!? Because what I saw was an emotional slowing down the pace episode that was setting up the ending to the six part series. Between Bucky and Sam practicing with the Shield in Sam’s back yard to the putting Baron Zemo away in the raft to the sit down between Bradley and Sam Wilson about what really happened to Isaiah Bradley in the 1940s, was just an emotional way to set up Sam Wilson finally making up his mind to weld the threshold and become the new Captain America. Even the reveals of Val Witch is not the cameo I was expecting as the last time we got a live action Val was in 1998 on that infamous David Hassloff Nick Fury Telefilm that featured the chick from Melrow’s place. The one that played Jane playing Jane. Is that movie on DVD? Or streaming? Anyone? I also loved the ending with John Walker making his own shield for other Captain America tid bits and investments in the 1990 Captain America is a fun ride down memory lane. Cheesy and weird but just a fun piece of comic book movie history.
There are two Captain America porn parodies. The first is from Axel Broune The King of Comic Book porn movies. What I like about this porn movie is that it features the first live action appearance of Diamondback. Diamondback first appeared in Captain America #310 and was the love interest for Steve Rogers. I also enjoy Sin being in this move as well. Google the movie today. The second Captain America porno was made by Rob Black with his Sinister Comixx line of movies. Evan Stone played Captain America I believe you can still find copies of this on DVD. Remember, pay for your porn. Thank you . And also, Captain America #28 the current volume is just amazing. This is the Red Skull sitting at his laptop with chaos and order in the caption. Dear Jordan Peterson was wrong. Does the truth hurt? Jordan Peterson is a youtuber and an author. He wrote a piece of shit book called “The 12 Rules for Life”. My major problem with Mr. Peterson is that his message delivers no hope, no inspiration, he is a right wing commie scumbag. Anyone reading this, please explain to me: How is making my bed going to make me a better person? If I go to Mcdonalds and tell them that I made my bed, will that put food on my fucking plate? No it will not. And that is the so-called Coach Chicken Soup for the Soul. People on Youtube, you’re the worst. The Movie Network and the Red Skull are right: put bullshit on the air long enough, and people will think it is the truth. So Jordan Peterson, I think you’re a self righteous sacko famous son of a bitch. End of story. But this run of Captain America is the best since Ed Brubaker. Nuff said. Also, the Marvel Knights series from 2002-2004 has a hidden gem worth hunting the bins for.
Captain America Volume 4 #28 features a cover appearance and a team up between Isaiah Bradley and Steven Rogers. Mr Bradley is president in this story. Last but not least, I want to point out a run of Captain America that is a true hidden gem by Mark Waid and Ron Garney. Captain America’s #444-454. Mark Waid’s Captain America was short and sweet. Just a fun ride and brings Captain America back to the promised land using the cosmic cube the Red Skull and is just awesome. Happy hunting.
Question:
What is better to use for crowdfunding? Go Fund me or Kick Starter? I want to know. Thank you
Axel Braun’s Suicide Squad is aw3esome sauce.
Cloey Valantine as Harley Quinn, Tommy Pistol as the Joker and Harley Quinn threesome at Arkham Asylum. What more do you need? Plus Seth Gamble as Captain Boomerang. Go watch is as all of Axel’s movies reek of awesomeness.
To everyone crying, bitching and moaning about how a movie came out or how a comic book movie, video game turned out and you didn’t create it or have anything to do with it, here’s an idea: make your own damn movie. There’s a book called ‘Make Money Like a Porn Star’. A great out of print graphic novel. There Is also a book called “So You Want to Be a Comic Book Retailer” and a series of books on how to make films and make comics. So my advice if you think you can do better is to go for it. Make your own fucking movie or create a Go Fund Me or Kick Starter. Heck if you’re a hot girl, you can suck twenty dicks for 1000 a piece and bang banc, you have enough money to make a movie. You can even sell drugs. I don’t care, just do it yourself if you think you can do better than whomever. Go pimp yourself and become a super star. Nuff said on that.
Please remember to hug your loved ones. Wow it has been nine years this Sunday April 25th. In April 2012 I lost my best friend, I lost the woman that raised me and taught me everything I know. I lost my grandmother Mary J Deanglies. I never really got to say goodbye as she died in her sleep. A few months before she passed, we talked for hours. She made me promise her two things. The first was to stay happy. The second was to never give up. She told me that you don’t need sight to have a vision. That I wasn’t blind, I just saw the world in different ways. To everyone reading this, and you know who you are. Yes, I am really blind. Ninety five percent blind from a condition called RP. Look it up. Basically, the rods and cones in the optic nerve shrink and can no longer bring light from the retina to the optic nerve making the person that has RP blind. I still remember being twelve and finding out I had RP. I still remember thinking my world was going to end. By Mary J, my grandma, my mother figure, my best friend, hugged me and told me it would be alright. I am now an older man and I now believe it will be alright. I am working hard to keep my promises, staying happy is difficult but I try. I am keeping promise number two and not letting blindness get in the way of my dreams. Grandma, thank you. Thank you for every meal you made me. Thank you for believing in me and my dreams. No matter how crazy, bizarre or perverted they are. I remember when I said maybe one day I will move to Vegas and open a comic book/brothel and you laughed and said what the uck am I going to tell my friends. My grandson sells comics in the front and hookers in the back? Well grandma, I hope you’re looking down and laughing and smiling from heaven as I am going to be the first blind man to win an AVN and the first blind person to win a spirit of retailing award and turn my dream into a reality. I will be the comic book and porn guy and make you proud of me. I will do it . And when I do that, it will be my way of saying thank you. Thank you for helping me, helping me get past the blindness and be like Daredevil. Thank you for teaching me kindness, thank you for helping me with my first conventions as a young adult. I now miss the two questions of doom Yes, Mary would ask these questions after comic book or porn conventions. Did you make any money today? And if you eat lunch or dinner? As my grandma was a foodie and loved her ice cream. I miss making your ice cream sundaes. My grandma was the toughest woman I ever know. She was a single mother of five children. My grandfather Captain Admo E Deangles died serving his country as he was a career army man. He lied about his age to get into the army. He served in Korea, he then went to Nam where he died in a helicopter in an air fight. Mary J would give the shirt off her back as she was kind and sweet. As much as I miss her, I know she is in my heart and oneday , I hope to be eating ice cream with her in heaven. I love you grandma,
So if you have a loved one, someone you care about, please tell them how much you love them. Give them a hug each and every day because you never know when you’re going home to the Lord.
Lastly, just a few tidbits:
Here are four comics and one action figure to make some money on:
- Daredevil #140 Todd McFarlane cover Todd father equals money. Comic book math. This is before Todd blew up with the Hulk and Spiderman. Just a classic undervalued Daredevil issue.
- The Overstreet price guide 2020-2021 edition: Ok, I’m on a Tood McFarlane kick and this is a Spiderman and Spawn on the same cover. Great for getting autograph at conventions now that they are slowly coming back. This is also still at cover price.
- Classic X-Men s#268-275 and X-Men s #1-11, There was this single issue of the reprint X-men series. It is most likely in a dollar to five dollar boxes and can be flipped for #10 so go make that money.
- Nintendo Power #6: I love this classic video game magazine for two reasons. First off, it features a TMNT cover. In 1989, TMNT hype was in full effect and this is the first published work of J Scott Cambell. So if you’re a J Scott Campbell fan, you need this for the collection.
- Toybiz X-Men Classics Electra Action Figure: This came out in 1997-1998 and is the first ever action figure of the Daredevil love and anti-hero. Electra is now the new Daredevil has been in a movie. Ok, two movies and a TV series and the Frank Miller Daredevil run s#158-191 is among the most influencing comic book series of all time. So my question is: What the actual fuck? Why is this figure so cheap? I’m talking under five dollars cheap?
Well that is it for this week. Please remember that you don’t need sight to have a vision. It is not what happens to you but what you do about it. If no one has said they love you today and if you feel alone and isolated, please remember that you’re never alone. As long as you have God and at least one person that cares about you, then you’re never alone. But I, the comic pimp love you. If you need help, please go get professional help. These are hard times and we all need each other now more than ever. So use the force, keep the faith and keep those pimp hands strong.
GO get paid laid and made because that is the American way.
Blind Adam Out.
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