WRESTLING REVIEW: SummerSlam XXXV
From Slammiversary I had almost two months to decide if I was going to allow Vince McMahon’s decision to host the best of the Big 4 at Nissan Stadium in the dreaded white trash capital just south of Independence, MO ; Trashville, TN to hinder my attendance and ultimately devalue my advanced ticket purchase. After having a spirited conversation with a potbellied toothless hick in a crop top in the process of popping a squat outside of a 7-Eleven, I departed her and left her to her business and got my ticket scanned through lax security and as soon as I popped in Bianca Belair’s music was filling the arena much to my and the rest of WWE Universe’s elation and excitement !
The card had apparently been switched around transforming the first match of the evening amongst the rest of the beefed up card, into Tennessee Tita Bianca Belair in a denim cowgirl themed outfit with her Raw women’s championship, set to duke it out with Becky Lynch who was rocking a one-piece leotard that made it appear like she was president of The Mega Powers fan club two decades too late.
A variety of suplexes were met on both sides until Belair looked to have caught an arm injury that was sure to affect her throughout the remainder of the match. Lynch took advantage of Belair’s weakened state and capitalized on an incomplete GlamSlam to drop Belair outside the ring and set her up for a Becksploder. Lynch went for a second one, but Belair was wily enough to convert that into a standing suplex that was then modified into a crucifix and a pin attempt good for two.
Lynch, far from down, was able to catch the champ in a chicken wing and transform that into an armbar from the mat, which Belair was able to escape and counter with another GlamSlam press on the apron.
This contest then became a battle of suplexes (once all the obligatory hair pulling was out the way) as the history between the two of these rivals that started out one year ago began to show. Belair was able to become the woman on top, and deliver a full suplex followed by a body slam for good measure to set up the KOD, but Lynch cut that off and followed through with another unsuccessful pin attempt. Another KOD attempt was then countered with a Dis-Arm-Her, that Belair wisely rolled outside the ring to escape from.
With Lynch hot on her trail, the champ was able to use her momentum against her and get her up for a KOD outside the ring which became one of the more memorable images of the night. A surprise Manhandle-Slam from the challenger led to another broken pin attempt, in which Belair got rallied up from failed pin attempt after failed pin attempt just to hit some insane 720 degree flip off the top rope, looking like Sega just struck a deal with WWE and Super Shadow The Hedgehog made a special guest appearance for the hottest wrestling event of the summer !
Belair followed this moment that replay’s are made for with a KOD and the rest was history as Bianca Belair successfully retained against Becky Lynch once again, signaling Lynch to shake her hand (like she should have done a year ago) and give Belair the proper respect that she deserves as a reigning, defending, champion. But just because Belair and Lynch finally kissed and made up didn’t mean the excitement was over. Four Horsewoman, and storied Belair rival, Bayley, took her time to walk down the ramp in a return the WWE Universe has been waiting ages for. But she didn’t come alone, as she was flanked by former NXT Women’s Champion Iyo Sky (Io Shirai was a way cooler name) and former NXT Women’s Tag Champion Dakota Kai – all in opposition against Belair. Looking to have formed a new faction, Lynch stood behind Belair on standby in case things went past posturing and words – but that’s as far as things got as the Raw Women’s Division became injected with new life overnight with just one opening salvo. The law of relativity calls for balance and well, Smackdown’s women’s division took a definitive dip during SummerSlam’s festivities.
Already looking like a placeholder champion, Morgan’s Cinderella Story win at Money In The Bank being replayed to hype up the match didn’t make her look like champion material. To be blunt, despite all the years that she worked her way out from mid-card, these past few weeks she looks like she should have spent more time there. And her performance at Money In The Bank didn’t exactly add to her case.
All I can remember from the match was … armbars. Armbars mostly dealt out from the challenger and Morgan trying to escape it. Or Morgan early on doing her best impression of Rousey by trying to catch her opponent in a flurry of fists, but Rousey just shook it off. When Rousey finally did get Morgan in her clutches by synching in a submission for an extended amount of time, the submission just happened to need Rousey to have her shoulders on the mat for leverage and she left them on there long enough for the ref to count to three and there the WWE Universe had it, a title defense won purely on a fluke.
The match couldn’t have lasted no more than five minutes and was in no way the technical finale to a long-term story like Lynch and Belair’s SummerSlam opener. Throughout the match, Morgan looked scared and punching out of her weight class. For her to have fought for so long in the undercard, why does she still look and act like a goddamn rookie? Morgan put up a weak defense to retain, and even though Rousey didn’t regain the title she regained the respect of the WWE Universe, becoming irate after her loss and putting hands on the ref and doling out more punishment against the champion. Heel Rousey is always an entertaining spectacle and is sure to sell better than when she performs as a face just as Lynch is sure to drum up more support for merch as a humbled hero than a jealous villain.
The effects of Triple H being put at the helm of creative are already being felt on the seismograph of the WWE Universe at outrageous proportions, and SummerSlam is only the beginning. The first TV-14 pay-per-view since the 90’s , though the latter of the matches was nearly a squash and the former was a technical match that could not compare with the speed or ferocity of other bouts previously within the storied rivalry that had been running a year deep, the women’s division at SummerSlam showed up not to show out, but to sew seeds. And even though I am proud to say that I saw it in person, in no way in good conscience can I say that any of these matches were match of the year, or with the former excluded match of the night. Still, what the women’s division at SummerSlam did was play their part and show that there is strength within the card between newcomers and stalwarts alike with a fresh well of stories ready to be mined by more creative minds than the old ancient guard that has now been put to pasture with the PG-era.
A reason to celebrate, something that WWE is known for that keeps asses in seats from SummerSlam ’88 to SummerSlam ’22 forward.
Score : 3/5
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