Pimping the Long Box #7

Greetings my Comic Crusaders Family. First of all, Happy Passover and happy Easter. I want to ask a question for a friend: Is it wrong to want to go outside any punch the Easter Bunny in the stomach? Like, what happened in Mallrats when Ja and Silent Bob got in a bunch of shots on that poor Easter Bunny at the mall? As I would love to go play Mallrats this year. I hope everyone is well. I am doing all right, been having good and bad days. I am happy we are healing as a nation from last year. I just missed all the good stuff and cabin fever sucks monkey balls. So please stay strong and know this too shall pass. We will get back to the world and rebuild it and make everything better again. Remember, you don’t need sight to have a vision. It’s not what happens to you but what you do about it. Like one of the greatest teachers I had. Ken Proudfood. He taught at Jonson and Wales in Providence Rhode Island. He taught that there are no limits except for the limits you put on yourself. Be limitless.

Now, let’s see what’s shaking in comic books and pop culture.

Cereal Boxes are worth money.

I just found out what might be next in this wave of making money with collectables. First it was Marvel cards, then it was Pokemon cards, then Funko pops, then comic books and even magic and sports cards are making money. Well, in screwing around on Ebay, I found a few cereal boxes that are worth some major money. Who here remembers when eating breakfast cereals was a fun adventure> When you were able to collect the prices inside the boxes? Those old school amazing commercials? Lucky Charms, Coco Puffs, Coco and Fruity Pebbles, anyone? Could cereal boxes be the next big thing? Maybe, maybe not. But some of these cereal boxes are fun as hell.

The Kanye West Pebbles cereal box is just funny as hell. I guess Kanye West wanted to make a cereal at some point? Like Kanye, you had one job. That job was to fuck Kim Kardashian. When you filled out a W2 form from the IRS your job was to say you fucked Kim Kardashian, not make music. Not go around Hollywood acting insane, you job was to be Mr. Kim Kardashian. This box goes for $150 and is a must for hip hop collector’s General Mills produced a collection of Pokemon 25th anniversary boxes, gotta catch ‘em all, right? And of course there is the 1987 Batman cereal box with the bank the TMNT cereal just for the box alone. Damn that was a gross thing to eat back in the day. If you want to make some of that sweet collectable money. The two to invest in are the Sugar Smacks Leonard Nimoy Spock box which can fetch as high as $1000. God rest Mr. Nimoy’s soul. He would have turned 90 this month. The 1997 Michael Jordan Wheaties box is also one to watch, it goes for between $150-300. Happy collecting, people!

Bat Woman Season 3 is awesome sauce.

Just watched episode nine and loved it. Why is Peter Underbridge’s Black Mask better than the movie Of Bird’s and Prey black mask? All the stuff with Alice this episode was weird and creepy. Alice is the big bad of the show. However I think by the end of season two, Alice will become Red Alice and have a stint as a hero. I also really enjoyed Sophie’s little sister Jordan and the ending, which I will not spoil. I’ll just say that it was heartbreaking. I want to also say that Nichole Kang is the sexiest member of the cast. I might be blind but I can tell. I am so excited for the ride for the rest of the season. Here are a few books to go digging for:

Books like Detective Comics #854, Batwoman the new 52 s#1736-39, First Alice, Return of Alice and the first Red Alice are all cheap and in The War Games Story which is the best Black Mask story. It’s worth reading as well as speculation upon. The Batman issues Batman s#631 have some sweet covers and go for between $5-10.

Just like season one was based on Detective Comics s #854-860, season two is largely based on the Batwoman rebirth run. Especially issues #1-8ish. The main villain Sofia and the Islands is from this run. Alice getting back her memories is from this. I am still hoping for Mary to become Flamebird in the show and the actor that plays Luke is writing Batman Urban Legends #4 which goes on sale in June or July. So we have the actor writing a stay on the character he plays which is amazing. If Luke becomes Batwing in the show that Batwing run will blow up. So, snag your Batwing s#19 and #20 now.

Wonder Con Coverage

Wondercon at home was a blast. I had a ton of fun. My top three panels to watch were:

The Modok Panel: Modok on Hulu will be a major hit between the Claymation style, the fun story of Modok’s family and using B, maybe C level villains like Pound Cakes voiced by Woopy Goldberg who first appeared in Marvel 2 in #54. This show will be awesome sauce and if you want more Modok head games, s #1=4 is a great place to start. Snag those tales of suspense s#93-94 now as this will blow up wildly.
The second panel that rocked the house was the Netflix Mark Miller Jupiter’s Legacy panel. Jupiter’s Legacy is well cast and based on a fun mini series. If you want some sweet comic book many, go after the Jupiter’s Legacy Jetpack Comics and Larry’s Comic’s variants limited to around 1,000 copies. Mark Miller is one of the goats of comic books today. Nuff’ said.
The last panel I watched was the Batwoman panel which was a fun Q&A with the cast. It did its john on getting me jacked for the rest of season two. I just can’t wait for real conventions to come back. Virtual conventions just aren’t the same. But we need to stay safe and do what needs to be done to keep us all sauce.

The top five cartoon theme songs to get a lap dance to are:

Josie and the Pussy Cats
Harvey Birdman Attorney at Law
Aqua Teen Hunger Force
Batman Beyond
The 1967 Spiderman Theme song

So go to the club, tip your girls because the girls work on tips and tips alone. Enjoy a dance.

The Top Five DC dollar reprints to invest in are:

Batman #386 reprints The First Black Mask.
New Teen Titans #2 First Deathstroke.
Brave and the Bold #197
Batman #428 Death of Robin. Trust me, if they do this in Titans season three, this reprint will blow up!
Batman #497. Why did DC feel the need to make a cheap reprint of this classic book? Was it during city of Bane?

The Lady Gaga Oreos were fucking gross!

What was the Keepler Elves thinking? Green cookies with pink frosting? Ok, I get it, Lady Gaga loves 1 in the pink and 2 in the stink which is awesome, but don’t make a fat man’s cookies stink with cheap gimmicks. Way too many different flavors of oreos and it just pisses me off.

Superman vs. Spiderman XXX porn is awesome!

Porn is great. Porn is one of the oldest and greatest forms of art #testify. We all need to get paid and laid because it is the American way. One of the greatest adult film makers of all time is Axel Braun . Axel is the king of the comic book porn movie. Going forward in this Column once a week, I will be spotlighting an Axel Braun movie or reviewing an Axel Braun movie as Axel has been making nerdgasms happen since 2010 with his Batman xxx which spoofed the Adam West Batman TV show. Axel’s attention to detail with his costumes and call backs to Easter eggs from the comics rival any mainstream movie based on a comic book. For example, let’s take Superman VS. Spiderman XXX. Go look at the DVD box art. It is a homage to the cover and one of the only DVD covers in recent history to feature two male talents on a box ever. Andy St. Diamond as Lois Lane is just amazing. Alex Texas as Tessmacher is amazing. Will Rider as Perry White and Rob Black as JJJ are well casted. The opening black cat and Spiderman blow job scene is off the hook. The Lex Luthor, Supergirl, Tessmacher three-way is just brilliant and the dialogue is straight from the kryptonite scene from Superman one. This spoof parody showcases one thing: that you can take a comic book story and add sex to it and it will rock the house if you have a talented adult film maker with a talent and comic book loving cast and the sex is great, then you can turn any comic book based property into a great adult classic like this. I just wish Axel would do the follow up story from Marvel treasury edition #28 just because Dr. Doom is all about the pussy. But I love Axel’s work. One of my professional goals is to one day work with and for Axel when he does the Daredevil XXX. Axel, if someway by the grace of god this reaches you, the perfect story or stories for a Daredevil porn movie where Seth Gambel plays Matt Murdock and Kenzie Taylor plays Karen Page are either Born again from Daredevil s#226-232 or the classic from Kevin Smith and Joey q and Jimmy Palm Daredevil Marvel Knights s#1-8 Guardian Devil.

A few ending notes of interest:

If you want to speculate on out of print DVD’s, a good place to start is Kevin Smith’s Dogma. It’s such a fun movie about angels and shit monsters and looking at religion. It is one of the best Jay and Silent Bob movies pre strike back and reboot. Jason Lee as Azreal is great as is Chris Rock. The rights to the move are held by Meramaz so it is not being released for DVD, blue ray again anytime soon and it’s not on any streaming service. The dvd can fetch anywhere from #20-200. I also believe his first horror movie Red State is out of print as is Drawing Flies which has a lot of the Mallrats cast including Jason Lee. Mallrats the movie comic #1 from Kitchen Sink Press is Kevin Smith’s first professional comic book work. This is the first true appearance of Jay and Silent bob in comics and they even have a cameo in an issue of Impulse. Go check out my friend’s true first poem over at comicbookinvest.com

And last but not least, good idea or bad idea: Do I buy a bottle of Jolt cola from 1991 still sealed, open it and drink it on a live podcast on a Tuesday night on Awesomesauce radio? What is the worst thing that can happen? So do I drink a bottle of Jolt from 1991? People drink vintage wine, so why not cola?

And if you can go check out my new favorite comic book youtuber, she is cute and does great haul videos and knows her stuff. She is Tessa is a nerd. Tell her Blind Adam sent you.

Well that’s it for this week, please remember that you don’t need sight to have a vision. Please don’t eat too much on Easter or Passover. Please don’t drink and drive and remember how special life is. Info one said they love you today, then I, the comic pimp says I love you. You’re special and life is worth it. Use the force and keep your pimp hand strong. Wash your hands and stay safe. I love you all.

Blind Adam Out.