MOVIE REVIEW: Knight of Cups

Pointless film making from the hands of Terrence Malick.Â

For some unknown reason Christian Bale is walking around Los Angeles while some stuff is going on.Â I honestly don’t know how to review this film.Â I think over the last 3 years I’ve seen and reviewed about 1000 films.Â This is the first time that I honestly don’t know what I’ve watched, what the plot is, or what I’m meant to say about it.Â I know I spent 2 hours in the cinema, I was there, and the chair was damn uncomfortable.Â I could talk about the chairs in the auditorium in the IFI and the most comfortable chairs I’ve experienced, but the chances are that you won’t find that interesting.

With no plot the whole of the film felt as though it was one big Calvin Kline advert, I’m not joking, with only a brief respite from this feeling with the inclusion of Brian Dennehy.Â What bugs me more is that the talent involved includes Terrence Malick as Writer and Director, Bale and Dennehy, and Natalie Portman.Â You’ve also got Antonio Banderas, Cate Blanchett, and Wes Bentley.Â Any other film with that cast I’d be lining up over night to get a ticket, but I honestly am lost for words.

What seems to be going on is that Bale is someone who the Hollywood system wants for some unknown reason and he’s trying to come to terms with that and a party lifestyle.Â He’s also doing some work with his family.Â That’s about as much as I can make out.

This is probably the worst film I’ve ever seen, I get experimental movies, I’ve seen and reviewed my share of them doing this job, but there is nothing here to grasp hold of and go along with.Â When a group of reviewers watch a movie and at the end of that movie you can hear one say ‘Oh Thank God!’ it speaks more than this review can bring to the table.

I’m sure there are going to be some false intellectuals out there telling me that I’ve missed the point of the film, that this piece or that piece will mean something more than I can see.Â They may be right, but I’ll never watch this utter rubbish again in my life, and for me if there is a hell and I’m headed there this film will be on repeat for eternity.

So, I’m cutting this review short here, as I can only go further into how insanely irritated I was during the whole time and how it took every ounce of my limited patience to stay in my seat.Â But why flog a dead horse?Â The answer is that it would be more interesting than watching this.