RETRO MOVIE REVIEW: PIRATES, 1986

PIRATES, 1986, directed by Roman Polanski (CHINATOWN, 1974, THE PIANIST, 2002), starring the legendary Walter Matthau (THE ODD COUPLE, 1968, CHARLEY VARRICK, 1973) and Cris Campion.

The notorious and infamous Roman Polanski is not usually known for comedy in his cinematic works. He usually delves into the sinister darkness of the human psyche with little or no humor. PIRATES, on the other hand, takes the sinister piratical profession during a dark time in history and puts a funny spin on the genre without being silly or corny. This is primarily achievable due to the casting of Walter Matthau, who limps onto the screen with a pounding peg leg belonging to the much dreaded Captain Thomas Bartholomew Red. Before Johnny Depp sauntered onto the screen with Captain Jack Sparrow, which unfortunately set a standard for pirate fashion and attitude, there was Captain Red. Matthau portrays the aging Captain Red with massive pomp, stylistic flair, a dead on English accent, and the vernacular of the day to match. Matthau is a comedic genius; his performance is amazing.

PIRATES follows the outlandish exploits of Captain Red and his trusty French cabin boy Jean-Baptiste (Cris Campion) as they seek fortune and struggle to survive on the Atlantic ocean in 1659. The film starts off with Captain Red and Jean Baptiste, or Frog as Red calls him, afloat in a makeshift raft in the middle of the ocean. With sharks circling the decrepit raft, no doubt waiting for a meal, Captain Red has plans for a meal himself by trying to eat Frog. This sets the tone for the film. While Captain Red limps around the raft trying to catch Frog, the Spanish galleon Neptune on it’s way to Spain discovers them. Aboard the Neptune is a bountiful treasure, the golden throne of the Aztec King Catapec Anahuac, which is secretly being transported. Upon the discovery of the golden throne, Captain Red vows to do anything possible to steal it from the Spanish along with the niece of the wealthy governor of Maracaibo who is traveling aboard the ship. What ensues is mutiny, theft, a kidnapping, a chase on the high seas, a love story, the storming of a fortress, and eventually ending up back where they started, but this time with wealth beyond imagine.

The story is complemented by production value that is truly spectacular. The costume design by Academy Award Nominee Anthony Powell is stunning. The massive Spanish galleon Neptune was built as a fully functioning ship for the film. The Neptune was so well crafted that it still exists today and is a floating museum at Genoa, Italy. The film was shot entirely on location at wonderful and exotic places like Malta, Seychelles, and Tunisia. The film predates CGI, so all the practical effects, sets, and locations are the real deal, which makes a film like this a monumental achievement.